Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
