Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
