Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
