It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
