pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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