So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
