SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
