having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
