so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
