you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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