my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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