Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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