i jhust puked up my retainher.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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