Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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