i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
