are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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