He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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