You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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