They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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