can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
