if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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