I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
