they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
