If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Duck Duck Cougar?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
