she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
