My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
