How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
