I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
