my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So vagazzling was a success
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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