I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize