Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No subtext here. People are naked.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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