cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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