i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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