I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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