sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize