yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
