Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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