I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
