I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
