I wanna bring you to show and tell
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
