just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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