I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
