i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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