The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
ok first of all what the fuck
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
