wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize