What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
