No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
