So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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