he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
