And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
