Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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