she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
