With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize