Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
