we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
