i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
