jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
