At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
