I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
