So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
