My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
