turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
