just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize