do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
