I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
